Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Priests' Mistresses Protest to Vatican

Women are speaking up to the Pope about priestly celibacy. And who are these women who sent an open letter to Pope Benedict? They are the Italian mistresses of priests. reportedly, over forty of them got together and sent a letter to the Pope.

This was kept quiet for a couple of months, then leaked to the "outside world". Why does this matter? Because it is part of a growing cry for the Vatican to re-examine the idea of priestly celibacy.

Women are speaking up about priestly celibacy. And who are these women who sent an open letter to Pope Benedict? They are the Italian mistresses of priests.

A group of them got together and sent a heartfelt letter to the Pope, asking him to reconsider the issue of priestly celibacy. This letter was kept quiet for a couple of months, then leaked to the "outside world". Why does this matter? Because it is part of a growing cry for the Vatican to re-examine the idea of priestly celibacy.

Three of the women decided to go public, as their relationships were over. The remainder (about 37 of them) were anonymous to protect current ongoing relationships. Here is Luisa's story. She is 38.

They met six years ago, and had a relationship and a child (who is now almost 2).

"He came to live with me," Luisa said. "He told his family that he was living in his parish, and his parish that he was living with his family."

Ultimately it was too hard on the priest to maintain this fiction, and he left Louisa before their baby was born and has not acknowledged his paternity in any way. "It was very hard," she said. "His family sent him to an exorcist and accused me of being a witch. As for the bishop, he told me to have my child adopted."

A few years ago, in my opinion at least, this kind of letter would never have been written. The women would not have dared. However, in a world that is grappling with priestly pedophilia, the issue of celibacy has been raised many times.

Some say that celibacy causes priests to develop twisted outlets for their sexuality. (I don't believe that.) Others suggest that celibacy deters men with healthy and expressed sexualities from considering the priesthood. It becomes a hurdle over which many faithful men wish not to leap. Still others believe that celibacy creates men who are unable to relate to the real day-to-day issues facing modern families. Others might add that celibacy is entered into by young men in seminaries, who have yet to taste the freedoms (and the lonliness) of the real world.

Proponents of celibacy (beyond espousing theological reasons -- and we'll address that in a few paragraphs) will say that celibacy is a gift, a calling, and it allows the person to focus more intently on God and His work than on affairs of the heart, or demand of a family.

But what happens when celibacy falls apart?

When I was in my 30's I knew a man whose brother was a priest from an order with a large missionary presence in the sparsely populated areas in South America. While it is surely hearsay, his brother had told him that many of the priests on missionary assignment from his order took "temporary wives". I recall being shocked at the time. Now I am not.

NPR quotes Stefania Salomone, one of the authors of the letter to the Pope, a former mistress of five year's duration.

"There is a lot of suffering around the world due to this rule," she says. "Bishops know that priests are not celibate, but they don't care about this. They say, please do what you want but do it anonymously, nobody has to know, otherwise scandals arise and we cannot afford this, so please do what you want but don't let the world know about this, and [most] of all don't make it children."

Catholic priests were not always celibate. Nor were Popes. Various discussions were had about celibacy in the Catholic priesthood until a formalized statement was made in the 11th century. Originally celibacy uncomplicated the issue of who owned property. No one could claim any rights to property if no families of priests were around after a priest's death. Later statements tied celibacy to more strict theological interpretations, but that was not always the case.

The Global Post broke the story of the "Mistress Letter" which included interviews with several of these mistresses. They describe their experiences of being lovers with men who could not surrender their entire sense of self as a priest by leaving the church. In some instances bishops simply transferred such men, or offered them promotions in other parts of the world. When the Post commented about the history of celibacy in the priesthood after the Council of Trent in the 11th century, they add:

Priests continued to have clandestine relationships, of course, but it was not until the Second Vatican Council in 1962 that many of them came into the open and left their offices. According to the semi-official Vatican magazine La Civilta Cattolica, nearly 60,000 priests left the church to get married after the Second Vatican Council.

This phenomenon is not unique to Italy. Scotland on Sunday just reported:
A support group for women who have affairs with Catholic priests is opening a branch in Scotland because its English headquarters cannot cope with the number of calls received from Scottish women.
Sonflowers says women from north of the Border have contacted them for support.

Simultaneously published at BlogHer.com

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Yesterday Would Have Been My Mother's 92nd Birthday

My Mom died about 15 years ago. She was a great gal, and I still miss her. One of the last things she said to me was that if she could find a way to communicate with me from beyond this life, that she would surely do it. You'd have to know my Mom to understand that if anyone could pull this off, she would even beat Houdini (who said he would do the same thing.)

So, I had out of town company yesterday, my dear friend, Leora. She arrived with a house gift -- essence of rose petals. She didn't know that was my Mother's signature scent. What a coincidence.

We talked about gardening. Of course it was no big deal that my Mom was an avid gardener. It WAS a big deal when I went into a long-unused "junk drawer" later, looking for something, and pulled out a plastic envelope of pictures I didn't know I had --pictures of my Mom's old garden. Coincidence.

There was only one picture in the envelope that was not of the garden. Only one. It was my mother's gravesite. (I guess that was to make the message clear.) I have no idea who took these photos -- maybe my Dad -- maybe Mom herself years ago.

So I got dressed to go out to an auction with my friend Leora. She had never been to one, and I thought it might be fun. I reached into my jewelry box to get a necklace, and ended up with one I hadn't intended to take off the loop. It was the pendant (a gold heart) that Mom was wearing when she died. I had forgotten I had it.

Oh, and auctions? I hadn't even thought of her birthday when I planned it -- but auctions were among her favorite things to attend. She loved them.

So on the drive there, we stopped off at the cemetery to say hi -- not that she is there, but it is a monument to her. (More on that in another post.)

I know the message, and it is one I echoed in my eulogy to her at her funeral -- "Nothing, especially not something as trivial as death, can conquer love."

So Mom, if you are reading this over my shoulder, Happy Birthday.
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