Mr. Apology

"Forgiveness is not to condone or minimize the awfulness of an atrocity or wrong. It is to recognize its ghastliness, but to choose to acknowledge the essential humanity of the perpetrator and to give that perpetrator the possibility of making a new beginning."
(Desmond Tutu - Nobel Laureate, South African Archbishop)

I gave my second Lenten forgiveness today (I will remain silent about the details).

But it caused me to wonder about the very nature of forgiveness.

Many years ago in NYC there was a man who went by the name "Mr Apology". He was a conceptual artist and an amazing human being. He started a free public service. Anyone could call in to Mr Apology's answering machine and apologize for anything. Every week "Mr A" as he was known to regular listeners, would have a program on that answering machine made up of listener reactions to the past weeks recorded confessions, new confessions and a chance at the end to record one's own confession or commentary. Mr Apology wanted to bring victims and perpetrators into contact, with the object of dialogue and forgiveness. A good article about him appears here which is an interview with his widow

It was a riveting "listen" - a full program each week, edited and assembled by Mr A which included his commentary, his asking of pertinent questions in addition to the input of apologizers and listeners.

What made it interesting to me, and I was a regular listener, was the compassion of Mr A. He just wanted to understand why people had "done wrong", and wanted dialogue between the thieves and the robbed, the abusers and the abused, the unfaithful and the betrayed. It was his belief that this would promote healing, one dialogue at a time. He commented once about "bringing things out of the darkness".

Confessions ran from the expected to the bizarre to the poignant (I recall one young boy calling very nervously to apologize for snapping a girl's bra strap in class.)

Mr Apology ran this phone line for well over a decade. He always had plenty of calls. He didn't advertise, except to put up some stickers on phone booths. Then of course, there were the inevitable newspaper articles that would appear from time to time.

What deep human need fueled this line! I believe that as creatures we WANT to apologize and to forgive, but fear losing something in the process. For some it was just a relief to "finally tell someone". That it was anonymous was what made it at all possible. People were at least willing to be held anonymously accountable.

I bless the fact that Mr Apology walked the earth, but I am so sad that all the institutions and systems that we have do not provide a place where the folks who called in to this line felt they could go.

So tonight I give thanks to God for the life of Allan Bridge, known as Mr. Apology, and for all those who help make the miracle of earthly forgiveness possible.