Miss America? I don't think so.

Last night Katie Stam, Miss Indiana, was crowned Miss America. I watch award shows. I can't help it. Miss America, Westminister Dog Show, Best Dance Crew, Project Runway, Country Music Awards, People's Choice, Grammys, Emmys, Tonys, Oscars, and so on. You get the drift. Last night I watched that old TV staple, Miss America, which has now been relegated to TLC network, no longer occupying the front row seats of a major network. Still, I thought I'd watch just to see what impact the 21st century had on the show.

Precious little, it turns out.

Yes, they did their usual whooping and hollering about how it is a scholarship show. And they avoided references to how all the contestants want is world peace.

But the usual high heeled prance in bikinis was still there. When Miss Arkansas began her prance with a dramatic sexy twirl with one hand held skyward, as though she was grasping a stripper pole, and then bounced merrily down the stage, improvising to get extra attention, I thought , "Well, so much for her."

Wrong. She had twirled her way into the top 10.

OK. I thought, maybe I am just too old school.

Then there was the talent competition.

Lord save us from the talent competition. First, let me add the disclaimer that there actually was some talent. Most notably, Chastity Hardman, Miss Georgia, sang her heart out with "Home" from The Broadway show "The Wiz". But the remainder? It was a polyglot of unremarkable song and dance.

Then we get to Katie Stam, who sang a contemporary Christian song about the "Via Dolorosa", essentially a song about the crucifixion. Here are some of the lyrics.

He was bleeding from a beating, there were stripes upon his back
And he wore a crown of thorns upon his head
And he bore with every step
The scorn of those who cried out for his death..

During this verse, Miss Stam stretched her sequin=clad arms straight out in a crucifixtion pose. Did she think we missed the message?

Now, I want to say what I am about to say with care. I am a Christian woman. But if I were running for Miss America, I wouldn't sing a contemporary pop song about the death of Jesus.

Some people seem to forget that this is not just a country for Christians. This is America. And America is all about diversity. Only those blind to the truth could miss that.

Well, I thought, another huge error in judgment. This gal has lost for excluding so many. WRONG. She gets elected Miss America. Big hair and preaching pop tunes are back.

Oh well, who else would they have selected? Miss Florida who danced in a sequined apron holding a frypan and wooden spoon to the song "I can cook, too"?

Oh, I can cook, too, on top of the rest,
My seafood's the best in the town.
And I can cook, too.
My fish can't be beat,
My sugar's the sweetest around.
I'm a man's ideal of a perfect meal
Right down to the demi-tasse.
I'm a pot of joy for a hungry boy,
Baby, I'm cookin' with gas.
Oh, I'm a gumdrop,
A sweet lollipop,
A brook trout right out of the brook,
And what's more, baby, I can cook!

Some girls make magazine covers,
Some girls keep house on a dime,
Some girls make wonderful lovers,
But what a lucky find I'm.
I'd make a magazine cover,
I do keep house on a dime,
I make a wonderful lover,
I should be paid overtime!

Even though I love award shows. Even though I love kitsch. Even though I do not deny people the right to diverse opinion. Even though all that -- maybe it is time to

just

let

this

show

go

away.