Monday, February 16, 2009

I Love Helen and Margaret

My friend, Kate, just told me about these two amazing gals. They are in their 80's and they are taking no prisoners! Here are some samples from the amazing Margaret and Helen:

On the topic of Ann Coulter's latest book Helen says:
the jacket cover has a picture of Ann Coulter in a pretty, black dress with her hands on her hips looking like she is ready for a fight. Well, having finished Chapter 3, I have determined I can take her skinny ass.

They say that given enough time, a hypothetical chimpanzee typing at random would, as part of its output, almost surely produce one of Shakespeare’s plays. If that is true, then two monkey’s typing for ten minutes could have produced this book and Tom Daschle’s tax returns with plenty of time left over to pose for the picture on the jacket cover.

She later adds:

Reading Ann Coulter’s book is like chewing aspirin without water. I just finished another chapter and I am sitting here wondering if anyone has actually seen Ann using complex tools like a ball point pen or say… I don’t know… a toaster? After reading the 4th chapter of her book I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that she actually doesn’t even have opposable thumbs. I could be wrong, but it is hard to believe that the person who wrote this book is also capable of fine motor skills.

On Politics in Washington:

But it’s not so much George W. who has me flabbergasted. You would have thought his departure would have instantly increased the IQ level inside the Beltway. But while the entire nation is singing “ding dong the witch is gone“ members of Congress seem to forget that they’re the only ones who have a lower approval rating than the jack ass himself. Talk about glass houses. Congress gave Bush a blank check. They allowed the continuation of an illegal war. And they looked the other way while the White House took away our basic civil rights. This all happened while the fox watched that little hen house we call the Capitol and now Congressional politicians are coming out of their holes to pontificate on Obama’s every move before he has even been sworn in - much less starts a war. It’s sort of like Rhoda telling Mary that she looks fat in that dress.

On Tuesday the whole world will be watching with hope as well as anxiety. The last time that happened our elected leader told us all to go shopping while he and his band of merry morons planned for war. Well, the world is watching again and this time I am pretty sure our elected leader has something a bit more profound to say. So maybe, just maybe, Congress needs to sit down, shut up and start trying to work together with the President and finally lead our nation into the 21st century as the beacon of hope it could and should be in the world.

In her column "Soup's On" she says:

Speaking of soup, there isn’t enough in the world to cure what ails Sarah Palin. Is she maybe a little touched in the head? I mean, I keep hearing that she’s still complaining about how the media “mistreated” her. But she seems to forget no special affects were used. For goodness sakes Sarah, she simply asked you what magazines you read. I swear, the only difference between a moron in real life and a moron on TV is about 10 pounds. And speaking of morons…

I hope I never find myself in the same room as George W. Bush because I love my shoes and it would be a shame to lose one up his ass. I just can’t handle much more of this “legacy tour” of his. A few years ago he was asked if he had made any mistakes and he couldn’t answer the question. Now he decides to let us know that “Mission Accomplished” might not have been a good idea. Oh Really? Turning the war into a public relations opportunity wasn’t a good idea? Announcing mission accomplished when thousands of soldiers would continue to die isn’t just a mistake you jack ass. It’s unforgivable.

So I have a legacy for you Mr. President. When you go to war with other people’s children, you need to take it seriously. Because when you are President and you take your country to war, they ALL become YOUR children.


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