Monday, September 25, 2006

Delicate Balances

I am not a morning person. I have low blood pressure. So, when I wake up, it takes a while to get my old slow circuits humming right along. I warn anyone who will have the occasion to see me in the morning that rational conversation is not really possible before my first cup of coffee is completed.

My ex husband was (probably still is) a morning person. He would arise, relentlessly cheery about the events of the day, or curious about whether I had paid the bills, or wondering if I had decided which items to get rid of from the garage. He would immediately ask me endless streams of questions as though I were absolutlely capable of answering them.

I was not.

I would say things like "Mmmmphhh mkfff." Or I would bury my head under the covers in protest, and as a feckless plea to be allowed to come into the day as I was best able. He, on the other hand, had already been up at some dawn-related absurd hour, made and had his coffee, jogged and showered. He was brim full of endorphins screaming for happy release into the delightful events of a boundless day.

I was not.

Come sundown, the situation reversed with me being raring to go, to do, to be -- and he settling into his short slide into sleep. When he felt sleepy, he would sleep -- even excusing himself from evening dinner gatherings at our own home to do so.

I do believe that a test entitled "Are You A Morning or Evening Person" should be given by clergy as part of all pre-nuptual couseling. I know with certainty that I cannot co-habitate intimately with a man who is a "morning person".

It just would not be fair.

To either of us.

Although it is my personally held prejudice that the profoundly held and expressed cheeriness of the morning person is thin veneer indeed for a latent smidgeon of sadism. My ex even attempted to awaken me once by singing (offkey, as only he could) "Zippidy Do Dah Zippidy Ay, my oh my what a wonderful day..." while accompanying himself on the banjo.

Once, he even tried releasing our two pet guinea pigs beneath the blankets. While this did increase my blood pressure rapidly, as sudden mad panic will, it was far from the kindest awakening I have had.

Now that I ponder these events, he is lucky to have lived to father two children by his second wife. The most I can manage in the morning, anger-wise, is a harsh look. I assume his second wife is a morning person.


Blogger Ginger said...

Heh! It sounds somewhat familiar although there are variations. I'm in a marriage where we're both morning people (I, a tad bit later), but I don't want to be talked to for the first two hours. Some teeth-gritting on my part when he launches into a philosophical discussion or problem-solving for his work day before it even starts. But on the whole--once I'm awake--I'm fairly good natured about it.

I'm with you: pre-marital counseling should include preparation for (or warning about) this.

By the way, about the Guinea Pigs?: Unforgiveable.

2:51 PM  
Blogger Dancing on the ceiling said...

I love your blog. Your writing leaves me feeling as though I've experienced the very things of which you write. This entry had me chuckling that "I know just what she means" laugh!

12:24 AM  
Blogger Jules said...


Spot on Mata! tell it like it is. At least he didn't enjoy watching you wretch through the night as he farted and burped to his hearts content - oh and his feet!! he refused to wash them and seemed to revel in the fact that I woke up nearly vomiting from the build of of smells!!

That's the first thing I recognise in a man now - does he enjoy farting do his feet smell and is he hyjenic. All other attributes come second to these!!


6:57 AM  

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