Saturday, March 03, 2007

oh Freedom !

It has been a lovely couple of days post the Epiphany mentioned in my last post. It is as though this great sludgy gob of emotional goo has left, and I feel suddenly lighter and life looks so much more possible.

It has made me wonder what sparks such change, what suddenly makes the soul hear the word of God in such a way that it honors freedom instead of self-imprisonment. What makes a teachable moment?

Does God decide somewhere up there in the ether that Now is the time when I should get it? Seems to me that once God decides, it could be anyone or anything that somehow embodies the message in a way that I can hear it.

But then, maybe not. The key part of the story of the South African child that touched me is that her father shot her mother. The ills had begun with her father. That is my path as well - no shootings, but the sad things began with actions of my father. Maybe that is what caused me to listen. Maybe that is why this little girl was selected to be my angel of the day?

Or maybe God has scattered inspiration all over the universe for all of us to see, and it is up to us to clean our spiritual lenses so that we are better able to see it.

I know that what I feel for the person who wronged me is not love, not affection. But neither is it anger anymore, or resentment. I may never be able to love her - to do what we are commanded to do - to "love my enemy". But at least now I can let go of her and let God love her. I have detached from her and no longer live in any part of the wound. It feels exactly as though I have shed chains.

This is so remarkable to me. For a little over a year I have been in a knot about this, hurting and feeling so frustrated about what to do, how to deal with it. And today, after an instant, I feel free.

I will never know why. But I do know I would be the worst kind of fool to not be thankful.


Blogger The Harbour of Ourselves said...

one can feel the cathartic cannot add words to stories like these - all i will say is that this has been a joy to share

4:11 PM  

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