Help Requested
OK folks -- please, those of you who have not yet read my prior post (about the belt) are invited to do so now. I ask this because I need your help.
(pause while waiting for you to finish reading it......)
OK..so have you ever had someone do something BIG deliberately that did you harm? How did you forgive them? What does it mean to forgive?
When I can see that someone's spontaneous actions come from their own wounds, and that hurting *me* in some way was not some malicious object of their actions, I can and do find a way to forgive - to see that it is not about me and to let it go.
But when someone is mean, deliberately mean in a big way, I lose my senses. I want them punished.
Lord, I know this is my ugliest side. But I confess, in my heart I want this person punished for hurting me in ways that affect my life deeply. I don't do anything about it -- I do not seek revenge. But I harbor the wound in my heart. And I need to find another way.
Tonight I am going to try to pray for the person who wronged me. I do not want it to be a struggle, but I fear that it will. Please, tell me what comes to your mind as you read this.
I want to live free from this anger and hurt. It doesn't occupy my thoughts 24/7, but at some points every week I get the twinges of it. I know that God wants better from me. I just cannot seem to find the way to better -- the way to His will.
(pause while waiting for you to finish reading it......)
OK..so have you ever had someone do something BIG deliberately that did you harm? How did you forgive them? What does it mean to forgive?
When I can see that someone's spontaneous actions come from their own wounds, and that hurting *me* in some way was not some malicious object of their actions, I can and do find a way to forgive - to see that it is not about me and to let it go.
But when someone is mean, deliberately mean in a big way, I lose my senses. I want them punished.
Lord, I know this is my ugliest side. But I confess, in my heart I want this person punished for hurting me in ways that affect my life deeply. I don't do anything about it -- I do not seek revenge. But I harbor the wound in my heart. And I need to find another way.
Tonight I am going to try to pray for the person who wronged me. I do not want it to be a struggle, but I fear that it will. Please, tell me what comes to your mind as you read this.
I want to live free from this anger and hurt. It doesn't occupy my thoughts 24/7, but at some points every week I get the twinges of it. I know that God wants better from me. I just cannot seem to find the way to better -- the way to His will.
posted by Mata H at Monday, February 26, 2007
4 Comments:
Forgiving yourself for being unforgiving comes to mind. Not beating yourself up for being "like everybody else". Going deep into the feelings you really have for that person - facing up to your (?) hate, disgust, pain, - to your "being weak enough" to be so deeply hurt by a "mere fellow mortal". Possibly acknowledging that your feelings of hurt and hate are too strong for you to overcome and asking "god" to take them from you -
Emm, aka turnover from b-net
For me, forgiveness is a process, and it's something I do for MYSELF... not the other person. When I'm feeling such strong hurt and anger towards a person, I am the one who is imprisoned. Accepting myself and my feelings has to come first. It does no good for me to "fight" my unforgiveness. Once I accept it, then ask God to help me let go of it, I find that I'm free from the grip of it. I can't usually point to one moment when I "forgave" the person. I just became aware that I no longer was at the mercy of those feelings of anger and hurt.
I've had a hard time forgiving someone recently, too. Just last night I realized that I am finally free from the unforgiveness! It's such a relief to have that person come to mind without my stomach churning into knots! I'm so grateful that God can do for me what I cannot do for myself!
The advice given here is much better than I can give. I will keep you in my prayers.
hello Mata first apologies for not visiting for quite a few months; life has been hectic but nowadays I hope to be getting back to my blog visits and yours is always one I enjoy reading.
this post and the previous one are powerful. it is an on-going predicament that so many of us struggle with. I know I do.
I hope that by now, you have been able to sort out a few solutions on this issue...and just for the record: I ask you directly to forgive anything in the past that I may have said or done to upset you. I know very well that there are times when my words are too harsh by half. so it is possible that I have injured you.
as I struggle with this same type of predicament, what I might suggest under these circumstances is to pray first for understanding that God loves you...no matter the irritation on up to out-right anger that you experience. God. just. plain. loves. you. no questions asked.
that acceptance can be a release of sorts. the conclusion is sort of an "okay. there it is and still "I" am a treasure."
the second idea is to pray for an understanding that whereas you can feel that much irritation/anger, you still do not act on it. the consequence of embracing that reality puts you square in the intelligence of your Christian faith vs. the feeling of it.
in other words, feelings can be notoriously unreliable and bad guides; but intelligent (mental) choice is another game all together. and since I have confidence that you would not choose to retaliate, you ARE then acting on the first level of forgiving and letting go...even as the feelings are still present.
if any of those words make sense.
the third level/step would be a loving-kindness meditation where you commit to one full minute per day of thinking FOR the other person AS you would for yourself:
I wish you good health. I wish you safety. I wish you peace.
at first, they will be just words. then there will be mental resistance. keep going. finally you will discover The Gift: you canNOT pray for good will for another person without it being tied to yourself...you are too honest to do so.
and soon enough the change occurs: in your honesty you will come to pray it FOR the other person. and then everything changes.
at least that is what I experienced for my ex-husband and his wife.
I hope these ideas might help you. but then again each of us is different. and our uniqueness is God's gift to us. I am sure whatever method you finally discover will be a brilliant one.
kind regards,
Maggie Rose
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