A House-shaped-hole where Whole should be
I just got back from another weekend in Massachusetts not finding a home to buy. I looked at twelve of them. None were right, and I even checked with my realtor and my best childhood friend (who comes around and looks with me at houses). I asked them if I am being too picky, or if, in fact, the right house really wasn't there. Everyone agrees -- it isn't there yet.
I struggle to find some gratitude in any of this. I am working this Lent to be thankful each day. To look for the hidden blessings. On this one I had to pray a stupid prayer "Lord, I cannot see anything good in this weekend's house hunt, so I have to thank you for the good I am currently unable to see."
But I confess to be having a case of the blues. Where I live does not feel like home anymore. With the exception of a few dear friends who visit, life here seems pretty empty. It is overtime to move on. I need to move to start my new business venture, and every day that I do not, gets me anxious. I need to lose weight. My back is aching from arthritis. It is tax time, a season in which I become neurotically anxious beyond measure..and yadda yadda yada. It's a good thing I am spending time feeling thankful because I sure can come up with a "bitch list" at the drop of a hat.
OKOKOK...time to take my own medicine. Maybe if I let myself be more thankful, my life will have more room for a house in it. Maybe I should ask God to push me in the direction of the right house.
There are lots of wonderful things in my life, lots of wonderful people. And my life has been hard but laced with astounding good fortune. Thank you God for loving this stubborn woman who cannot yet seem to find her way home.