Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Ready -- Set -- almost going

Well, I got the call from my realtor today that everything is ready for closing on the house. Mortgage is solid. Insurance is set. All I have to do is show up on the 30th and hemorrhage money. It is the American way. Actually, by the time I am done I will be spending less on my mortgage payment than I was to rent. It will cost me less to insure my home and car in Massachusetts than it cost to insure just my car in NJ.

I think I am experiencing some middle European generational flashbacks. "Land! Land! Own land!" It is almost a tribal imperative thrumming in the back of my heart. Every cell of peasant stock in me is ready to hurl my body in a full embrace on my back lawn and just hold it close. Land means something. It is a safety zone. There is also this blue-collar element going on about owning a home. Home is the only place no one else can tell you how to live and have any claim on the result. Home is safe and home is freedom.

I know in my heart that those feelings are just feelings and certainly, no matter where I go, there I am, but there is a special joy in owning my first home. And I plan to celebrate fully.

It's the little things: Since I was 19, I have not been able to decide (without asking permission of a landlord) what colors to paint my walls. I have been unable to just plant whatever I wanted in a garden and watch it mature over time. Think "grape arbors". And I have been unable to have a dog for over 20 years.

This dog thing means a lot to me. I love dogs. Big, goofy dogs. I will find a rescue dog in the spring, once I get the yard properly fenced. A dog that loves car rides. A dog that cuddles well. Some smooshy faced fuzzbucket with a heart the size of Alabama.

I also want to have everything I own in one state, one place. That has not been true since I was 19.

I long for the days when having my Mom's antiques in storage is over. I want them either sold or in my house. End of story.

And, I am anxious to get my new biz underway -- more on that later.

I've been looking for home for a long time. Yeah, yeah, I know home is inside me. I know home is whee my heart is. Yep. I get that.

And I still want my very own home. In a community that I love. Surrounded by so many people that I have known for most of my life. That means a lot to a woman with no family, except for one treasured 85 year old cousin (in the town to which I am moving).

Every way I look at this, it is a good thing. I feel so lucky at my age to be able to begin a new chapter like this one. Life is so full of unexpected blessings. God is just so darned clever sometimes. He sure surprised me by the joy of this home.

6 Comments:

Blogger alto artist said...

So exciting! Mazal tov!

--aa.

10:05 PM  
Blogger Jayne said...

I was grinning the entire time I read this post. Your excitement is so infectious and the genuine joy you are experiencing makes it even more special. Can't wait to see the new chapters of your life be written. I am so very, very happy for you my friend. Love and hugeq happy hugs!

6:58 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

And we're enjoying getting the blessing of that joy spilling over! Hurrah!

1:25 PM  
Blogger Grace, Every Day said...

Your post just oozes comfort and contentment. I am so happy for you!

11:28 AM  
Anonymous Alice said...

I'm so glad you'll be able to choose your own wall colors. I haven't been able to choose mine for the past 39 years. I like dark dramatic, he likes white, so we have mostly white. Have fun doing your whole place over just the way you want it. Much luck in the process!

9:38 PM  
Blogger Counselor in Process said...

I will have dog envy. I loved the description!

6:07 AM  

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